There are just too many funny ways to end this paragraph from today’s MarketWatch story about Yahoo’s latest hair-brain scheme:
In a sign of Yahoo’s growing confidence in the ongoing proxy war, CEO Jerry Yang told his employees that the company was launching an online advertising campaign in a bid to win over shareholders, as he noted more media stories “that reflect an understanding of our position.”
Here are a few endings that immediately come to mind (and I promise you, I spent no more than five minutes brainstorming on this one):
- Due to the complexity of the Yahoo Search Marketing interface, the company will focus their campaign on Google AdWords. “That’s where everyone searches now anyways,” said Yang.
- “Some might say that we should we spending our time and money on more important issues than saving our own jobs, such as our plummeting stock price, employee exodus, loss of marketshare, and lack of strategic direction, but creating banners ads with salsa dancers and the tagline ‘Yahoo stock price at historic lows!’ is just too much fun,” noted Yang gleefully.
- The online campaign promises Yahoo stockholders a “free iPod, just for identifying a picture that is clearly Hillary Clinton as a teenager”, but eventually requires the stockholder to vote for the Yahoo board to claim their free gift.
- The ads will feature CEO Yang with arms spread at the helm of a large ocean liner exclaiming “I’m King of the world!” The company refused to acknowledge any similarities between Yahoo and the Titanic.
- Some industry insiders who have seen the ads have complained of subliminal messages buried in the graphics. In particular, the message “Please Microsoft, buy us for $33 a share. OK, how about $27 a share?”